Getting Married? Hang on a Minute …
By: Maryam Salah
@MaryamFSalah
Marriage is not a fairy tale, and despite the Egyptian black-and-white films of romance and chivalry, young Egyptians agree that the reality is far different.
Passant Abaza got married at the age of 24 and divorced at 29.
“I loved him and thought he was a good and responsible person,” the 32-year-old lawyer says of her then husband, “but I was young and didn’t have enough experience.”
Although Abaza isn’t actively looking to remarry, she is not opposed to the idea of marriage.
According to Al Ahram, divorce rates have increased in Egypt by 86 percent over the past decade.
The most affected are those aged 25 to 30, an Egypt Today article quoting the Ministry of Health says. The increase could be attributed to evolving social norms and interpretations of what marriage represents.
Dina Barakat, a marriage and couples’ counselor, believes that “opinions have changed regarding marriage over the generations. Each generation watches their parents or the relationships around them, trying to avoid the mistakes they see.”
Opinions vary, particularly among young people who see marriage as a crumbling social order.
“Marriage is unnecessary … Why is it important that religion or the government declare two people together? In essence marriage is a companionship and a journey, not a business contract,” says Fadi Ibrahim, 27, a dentist.
“I’d only do it [marriage] if that person [his partner] really wants it, and for the celebration and the memory, to make people happy,” Ibrahim added.
Opinions on marriage among young adults often differ based on gender.
A very common phrase that Egyptian parents tell their daughters is that they can do whatever they want only after they marry.
“Some people just get married to escape from their families and the responsibilities that they do not want to face,” said Lougine Rafla, 19, Media and Communications Freshman at the University of Sussex.
Social and peer pressures thus play a significant role in matrimony.
Ahmed Samir, 23, copywriter, believes that social pressures might be indirectly contributing to the high divorce rates because it is backing young men and women into a corner.
“I think it’s something people should only approach when they’re mature enough, and that way too many young people set about getting married when they’re either not ready for it, or when they have decided they’re sick of familial or social pressure,” said Samir.
Ironically, society still largely celebrates young men and women who marry early.
Pharmacist Mais Mousa, 29, described people’s reaction when she got married saying “everyone found it very joyful that I snatched a husband so early [at the age of 24] like it’s a race”.
“It’s annoying to be questioned all the time, because you can’t force something like that [marriage],” added Rafla.
Daliya Dayem, 30, a medical sales representative also got married at 24.
“Age wasn’t a factor at all, it’s the circumstances we were in and our emotional, psychological, and financial readiness that made us agree on the step,” Dayem said.
“We were 24, but we had already graduated and had been working with a fixed income for two years,” said Dayem.
Mousa added that it did not feel like it was too early for her and her husband due to their two-year long relationship before the wedding.
However, they both admit that marriage is not a walk in the park since it is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, and life itself is not easy.
“People should expect the downs, the routines and the slight boredom that can come with marriage. It won’t all be flowers and butterflies due to busy life hassles and other burdens of life that might come and go,” said Dayem.
Mousa also agreed that the routine is not an easy situation to overcome in a marriage.
“Marriage is really not for everyone. It’s like having a stable 9-5 job, not everyone can stand it. Some people can handle it and make every day different and some people just find it mundane,” said Mousa.
