From the Honeymoon to Divorce

By: Noran Alaa Morsi

@noranmorsi

When the Guinness Book of World Records announced on November 8 that two 100-somethings in Texas were officially the oldest living couple in the world, some may have  wondered how they made their relationship last so long.

John and Charlotte Henderson celebrate 80 years of marriage on December 15. According to CNN, John recommended cordiality with one another and living life in moderation as the secrets to a long, happy marriage.

Many young people hold it as conventional wisdom that long-lasting relationships and/or marriage can provide couples with contentment and happiness.

And the numbers are on their side.

According to a study published by The Office for National Statistics in the UK, ­­married couples rated their life satisfaction 9.9 percent higher than widows and widowers, and 8.8 percent happier than divorced people. 

Nourhan AbouGabal, a visual arts alumna who recently got engaged, revealed that she always thought when she’d get married she’d be happy, because that’s what all films fed her as a child. 

“It honestly does bring happiness, I’m very happy with my relationship right now,” she said.

Mariam Ahmed*, a sophomore who recently got married, agrees. She said that getting married early was one of the best choices that she’s ever made.

“When you become older, you’ve already created basics and habits that can’t be changed or as flexible as before. When you start the journey [together] earlier you get to reach common ground easier,” Ahmed said.

This isn’t always the case, however. AbouGabal said she saw a different trend amongst her colleagues.

“In our generation, the people that got recently engaged or married, 90 percent of them got divorced within one or two years, which is not normal. I think that’s because we’re a very spoiled generation. We were raised differently than our parents, they do everything for us so we don’t know the value of things,” AbouGabal said.

She believes that marriage now is all about which makeup artist or wedding planner the bride employs. She sees that many relationships fall through because they’ve become more about appearances and showing off than the actual intent to marry the right person.

According to a survey by economics professors Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M Mialon from the National University of Singapore and Emory University, respectively, the higher the amount a couple spends on their wedding band, the more likely they are to get a divorce.

The study also cited that “the same is true for the price of the ceremony – with weddings that cost less than 1,000 dollars showing a significant decrease in the likelihood of divorce and weddings more than 20,000  dollars increasing the likelihood by 1.6 times in the sample of women”.

Amira El Deeb, a relationship counselor and coaching representative for the American institution, Mars Venus, stressed the importance of intention within marriages. She stated that people need to realize what they want from a relationship before getting into one.

“Depending on your perspective in marriage, if you want it to be a headache, it will be and if you want it to be happy, it will be. The important point is realizing what you want from marriage or why you want to be married,” El Deeb said.

While a proper marriage may bring some happiness, divorce brings others more fulfilling emotions. There’s even been a myth for many years that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. However, TIME Magazine states that this is a statistic from the 1980s and the figure now is at 39 percent in the U.S. Perhaps, this means there should be more optimism that marriages can and will last. 

In 2018, the Egyptian Cabinet’s Information Center reported that Egypt actually had the highest divorce rate in the world at 40 percent. Regardless, divorce is still a taboo subject which is difficult for those experiencing it, but might give them  some semblance of living happily in the long term.

“When you’re in an abusive relationship, divorce is the end of suffering, pain, [emotional] drainage and the beginning of a new stage – that is if you can start over and you can work on your emotions and heal from what the divorce created,” El Deeb said.

The relationship counselor also advised that visiting a professional can help on the road back to happiness, ‘because you are telling yourself that you deserve better.’

“My family was never the type that always wanted you to get married but rather desired to see you prosper in things beyond marriage. Because of my mom’s divorce, she always tells me to focus on my career because if I’m not independent then any second the other person [husband] decides to leave, I’ll still be dependent on them,” said Nouran Ibrahim computer science junior.

Ibrahim’s family is not the common Egyptian family, however. In a culture that places marriage above most things, it’s rare to find a family that prioritizes career. 

“The idea we have of marriage is that it’s something we have to do and it’s the way of life,” El Deeb said.

AbouGabal has lived through the stereotype marriage being the be all to end all. 

“The amount of ‘when will you get married?’ made me hate getting married,” AbouGabal said.

*The names of some interviewees were changed to protect their privacy